Golly gee, I sure am having a positively wonderful time here in Equestria! Where the sun is always bright and the locals always accepting! Where I could become anyone and anything!

Ah yes, wonderful Equestria. The very same place where a lanky—thicker than a snickers—white pegacorn raises the sun and flying ponies control the weather.

Where instead of spending my pastime playing video games, watching movies, or looking at memes, I instead get to do fun things like; watching paint dry! Or; watch on helplessly in silent horror as a monster tramples it’s way through my house every other week!

That’s sarcasm by the way!

In reality this shit is straight wack...

Not only am I literally the ONLY human on this god forsaken planet of technicolor ponies, but I’ve also been KIDNAPPED by a bunch of small—slightly adorable—bug ponies, who as of this moment, have informed me that the reason I was ripped from my wonderful bed in the middle of the night, was because their QUEEN wanted to SUCK the LOVE out of me...

One week. One week of easy living, that’s all wanted! One week of sleeping for more than three hours, while not having to worry about massive bears breathing down my neck. One week of not dealing with that psychopathic book pony. One week of not dealing with the fuckery that is Ponyville. But no...

Now I’m being threatened with molestation from insects. Perfect...

Like, ok, these ponies can be a little cute at times. But in no way NO how, would I ever want to stick my gentlemen’s sausage in ANY of them...

I just don’t dig pony pussy man.

Oh, who am I? Name’s Anon. I’ve been in Equestria for all of... Two months or so? And if I were to describe myself—from what everyone else thinks of me—I’m an absolute alpha male who don’t take no shit from nobody...

Who TOTALLY doesn’t cry whenever someone even slightly raises their voice at me, no that would be absurd!

...Ahem.

I’m also pretty fricking smart! If that BuzzFeed IQ test I took a couple years ago has anything to say about it. And I mean, come on! Everyone knows that BuzzFeed is always the correct source for one hundred percent, authentic—scientifically backed—non biased information!

Shit. I’m rambling...

Where was I? Oh, right! Anyways, life sucks currently! I’m stuck in some dim lit cave prison, with a patch of fluorescent mushrooms being my only source of light. It certainly looked like a dungeon you’d molest someone in, but at least it didn’t smell like it.

But, I’m at least thankful that the grime from the cell didn’t do much to dirty my suit. The last thing I needed was for a certain fashionista to beat the green out of me, because I ruined the very first—tailor fitted—Human suit.

In other words, shit’s expensive, yo!

I’m sitting on some weird bed, it was black and sort of felt like soft plastic. Shit was weird. But at least I wasn’t chained to the floor naked with my legs spread or something...

God... I’m making myself shiver. Bad thoughts! Go away!

I shook the horror away from my brain before I could spook myself into an early grave, and peered out through the bars of my five star hotel room.

I couldn’t see any other prisoners, which is a good sign?

Actually, wait... That probably means that they’re dead.

Oh yikes, this ain’t good Chief.

I don’t really know what to do. Maybe I’ll just wait?

But then that’ll just give them more time to come up with disgusting, depraved things to do to me, and although I’m quite the kink master, I’d rather not have those two words associated with the bedroom waltz.

And I especially don’t want horse sex to be thrown into the mix either.

Wait...

Footsteps...

Someone’s coming.

That’s not good, they’re probably here to take me to their queen B...

I mean, someone will come to save me before they get me, right? Yeah. Twilight will notice that I’m not in the library. Hell, she probably already sent a search party for me.

For a split second I actually felt kinda scared... Hah...

What if no one comes? What if they’ve abandoned you?

Pfft... I’ll be fine. Even if Twilight doesn’t notice that I’m gone, Sun Cheeks and Moony Dunes will...

...Right?

...

...

...

Any minute now...

...

...

...

They wouldn’t leave me here. No way...

...

...

...

Oh god, I’m not ready to be turned into a sex slave! I’ve never even seen the Aura Borealis, or the Great Wall of China! I never learned who Joe was...

I haven’t finished watching JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure...

Oh god no. Not JoJo...

I could feel the tears brimming, my heart retching as I finally realized what I had left behind. What I’d never see again.

I smashed my fits into the floor. Frame quivering as I belt out a yell.

“Jojo!” I burst into tears.

I’ll never see those stand poses ever again. Never get to finally watch season three... Oh god, is this what sadness feels like? It feels like someone took my heart and dragged it through boiling tar!

I grit my teeth, my emotions taking a total one-eighty and now I’m angry!

Screw being sad, If the Great Depression was so great why wasn’t there a second one!?

NO, Think! What would Joseph Joestar do!?

I could feel my fingers tense as I looked over every detail of the room, trying to find something, ANYTHING, that could help me escape. And then I realized it was fruitless, there was no way I could get out of this. Unless I used pure unadulterated muscle and brute force to make my way out...

You know what. That might work... If this world is full or magic, what’s to say I can’t harness it? I’m not gonna be ANYONE’S little bitch, especially not some tiny bug pony’s bitch!

I could feel my resolve strengthen as my fists clenched.

I will not become a tool of
Pure sexual gratification for these adorable bug ponies. I will FIGHT! To my last breath!

...

Speaking of breath, it’s kinda getting hard to breathe...

Actually now that I think about it. Is everything kinda getting darker, or is it just me?

Holy, I’m kinda sleepy all of a sudden...

Maybe a nap wouldn’t be so bad...

Just a couple of minutes? And then I can bust out my stand? Yeah, that sounds like a great idea!

...just a little nap.

Queen Chrysalis didn’t know how to react to this... situation. So instead, she blinked slowly while staring at the one who’d given her the news.

“What?” She said after a few moments of silence. She was befuddled.

The changeling in question cleared his throat before repeating what he said.

“The human.” He coughed. “We went to retrieve him as you asked. But when we approached his cell he was just... Sorta standing there? Staring at the wall-“

He shifted on his his hooves.

“-...and he was breathing in and out really fast, and then his face went red and he passed out?”

The queen shook her head and spoke once more.

“No. I understand that, but why?Who does that? Was he honestly so terrified, that he feinted?”

The changeling—Jitter his name was—rubbed the back of his head. Before responding.

“Well, actually... He seemed pretty angry when he was looking at the wall. Almost as if he was about to attack it, but then he just passed out?” He finished with a shrug.

Chrysalis blinked again.

“So he was so overcome with rage over his capture that he-“ She coughed.

“..Had an anxiety attack?” She continued.

Jitter simply shrugged once more.

The queen brought her hoof to her temple and thought for a minute.

“Huh... Well. Get the apothecary and... Make sure he’s still alive I guess?” She finished in a confused tone.

Jitter nodded.

“It will be done your majesty.”

He flew off towards the dungeons shortly after.

The queen leaned back against her throne. Her eyebrow quirked.

She whispered softly to herself.

“That’s... Interesting?”

Ponies feinting in fear is nothing new to the Queen, but anger? That’s certainly something new...

...Perhaps she got more than she bargained for.

All of a sudden sensation was smashed back into me, with my wonderful ear holes being the first to wake up. Sound started to flood back to them, and an absolutely wonderful—and not at all soul rattling—ringing came with the awakening, stuffing both my holes full to the brim.

I sorta just laid here—where ever here was—for a few minutes, as I decided wether or not I wanted to even exist anymore.

After the ringing subsided, and I had already considered suicide at least twice, I managed to queue half way into a conversation that sounded pretty damn close.

“-es. Other than the slight head injury he obtained when he rebounded off the wall and hit the floor, he should be fine.”

Hey, fuck you slightly arousing baritone voice! I almost die and you call it a ‘slight head injury’? That skull impact could’ve made Neegan blush. You’re lucky I got a noggin’ that’s practically titanium, or I’d probably be a vegetable or something!

Stupid baritone... It’s not like I’m jealous of the smooth, deep timbre that his voice has or anything. No, In fact, I find it extremely unattractive!

Damn him. Damn his superior vocal range.

Oh hey, I’m starting to feel my arms and legs. Nice! Good to know I’m not actually a vegetable, that would’ve blowed.

A new—slightly less alluring voice—responded to the sexy baritone one.

“Well that’s good to hear.”

Damn right it is, I’m back in action baby!

“The queen would rather have him alive, to be properly...introduced.”

Oh...

Right... the whole gonna be sexually assaulted by a bug Queen, thing. Forgot about that.

In all actuality, maybe being a vegetable wouldn’t have been so bad.

“So when do you think he’ll awaken Resol?”

Pftt.

What kind of name is Resol? What a stupid ass name. It doesn’t even make sense...

Wait...

Resol... Isn’t that just?-

Urk...

Don’t.

Don’t Laugh...

“...Is he smiling?”

Ah Fuck it, I’m probably gonna die anyways.

I snap my eyes open and sit up from what I now realize is a hospital bed, made from that soft black plastic from earlier, and pointed at what I assumed was the guy with the silky smooth, buttery voice, and yelled;

“HA! Your name is just Loser spelt backwards, what a stupid name!”

The room went silent. You could probably hear a pin drop.

But then, a sharp sniffle came from the baritone boy, his ears pinning to the top of his head and his big, pupil-less eyes watering.

”Mother gave me that name...” The insect said softly, with a undertone of sadness.

Does that count as success?

Oh. Those are hooves-

Ok, Turns out insulting my captors might not have been the best of ideas that I could’ve had at the moment.

I’m currently being led by a new bug pony thing, ‘Fritter’ I think his name is? I wasn’t paying attention.

I actually kinda felt bad after what happened with Resol, and it’s been on my mind... Well, that and the whole “never seeing the light of day again” shtick, but that’s few and far between.

I hurt the tiny pony’s feelings Yo! That’s like, not cool. I totally ruined his vibes.

I’m not being led by chains or anything, which is pretty sweet not gonna lie, but Glitter is staying behind me to make sure I go in the right direction.

Speaking of Litter, I looked towards the small bug in question and realized just how less, well, threatening he looked.

And while I’m still on the topic of him; he’s ok. He kinda kicked the shit out of my chest after I insulted Resol, but the blow was actually pretty soft for some reason. But other than that, we’ve been having a grand old time!

We’ve even started playing games together!

“I spy with my little eye...”

I put my finger to my chin in thought, looking at my surroundings before letting out a hum.

“...something-“

But Hitler cut me off, kinda rudely I might add.

“Please, please stop. You’re either gonna say; ‘something black!’ Or; ‘something green!’ And you’ve been doing it ever since we left the infirmary! Just please stop and let me take you to the Queen!” He let out a sad sound.

I chuckled. A sexy apex predator kinda chuckle I might add. Before shrugging.

“Alright, take me to your leader!”

I made an educated guess and pointed into a random direction with some pizzazz to woo my guard.

Bitter slumped slightly.

Huh, I wonder if all bug ponies are as depressing as this one?

Guess we’ll find out. who knows. Maybe the Queen B. Is tired of everything being depressing and just wants a friend.

...

...

...

Pfft! HA! Yeah right... I know what awaits me be beyond that door, and honestly? I’m kinda sad to be honest. I really did like my bed at home.

But you know what? why go down without at least kicking and screaming?

I looked towards Sitter, his guard was down—obviously due to some clever manipulation on my part—and I began to formulate a plan.

Queen Chrysalis was slightly agitated, Resol had just contacted her through the hive mind, very clearly upset.

Apparently the; “Big Stupid Meanie Head Human.”—as he had put it—Said his name was stupid because it spelt ‘Loser’ backwards.

Chrysalis sighed. And glared at the floor.

”The name is NOT stupid, I mean come on, It’s not even a good insult!”

She rubbed at her temples, letting out a soft hiss of irritation for a moment before shifting her gaze from the floor to the ceiling of her throne room.

“And now he wants the human to apologize. Can I just have one day where something doesn’t buck up?”

The bug Queen sat in silence for a few moments, before the throne room doors suddenly burst open with a loud bang. The Queen jumped, her eyes snapping up to the entrance to see a sharply dressed human currently riding on top of a yelping, bucking Jitter, while scurrying towards the thrown.

On the way there, the human seemed to bellow something out that sounded something along the lines of; “Now this is pod racing!”

That was until Jitter slammed on the brakes and launched Anon off his back and head first into the floor.

Queen Chrysalis winced as she saw the human slide a few feet before stopping a few inches from her thrown.

Silence.

He lay unmoving.

The Queen was in a state of mild shock, lost in her thoughts.

”Is- is he dead?-“ She wasn’t able to finish the thought as Anon sprung up from the floor and threw his hands arms into the air, before pointing towards Queen Chrysalis and letting out what some would call a war cry.

“I REFUSE TO BE YOUR SEX SLAVE YOU GOD DAMN RAPIST! I WILL NEVER BEND THE KNEE AND BECOME AN OBJECT OF SEXUAL OBJECTIFICATION YOU SICK, MISANDIRST! YOU FREAK OF NATURE-” He took a deep breath.

“-I WOULD RATHER CUT MR. ANON JUNIOR OFF WITH A RUSTY SPOON THAN EVER EVEN THINK ABOUT STICKING HIM INSIDE YOUR-“

Anon was cut short once a containment bubble surrounded him and stopped any kind of noise from exiting.

The now slacked jawed and wide eyed Queen looked towards Resol, who had entered the room at some point to encase the human in the sound proof bubble.

Chrysalis swallowed after a few moments of hesitation, and nodded.

“Th-thank you, Resol.”

The changeling in question had his ears placed against his skull.

“Such... v-vulgar tenacity...”

The queen nodded in agreement, before clearing her throat and speaking once more.

“I think the human has... gotten the wrong impression of us.”

Resol nodded. And she continued speaking.

“We will wait until he’s calmed down, and then I will talk to him.”

Anon continued to spout obscenities, smashing his fists into the walls that’s surrounded him.

“...His face is turning red again.” Jitter spoke in a whisper.

Chrysalis sighed, her shoulders shagging at the thought of what had just occurred.

“...Buck me.”

”NEVER, YOU SICK HORSE!”

She sighed again.

The hive’s Queen shuffled on
her rather uncomfortable looking throne and clapped her hooves once, before speaking directly to me.

“Excellent, now that you’re no longer screaming and scaring away my little Changelings with your colourful language, we can get down to business.”

Well, I guess they’re called Changelings, Huh.

The scary Changeling Queen who’s named Chrysalis—which I only know because she announced herself—is currently speaking to me. And hell, maybe I would be responding!

If I wasn’t currently gagged. Goddam stupid kinky bugs.

The thing blocking my mouth was made from some kind of hardened green goop, which I could only hope wasn’t something undesirable.

I guess they don’t want me capitalizing on the whole; “any last words?” Thing that villains usually have.

Damnit.

Is this really my life now? Has all of my life choices been leading to this moment? Is god punishing me for my sins, for my mistakes? Oh, Christ. Is it because i masturbated?

...It’s because I put pineapple on pizza, isn’t it?

Yeah. That’s probably why. Lord forgive me for my sins! The dark temptations were too strong for me!

Damn, Someone must have been cutting onions in here. NO I was NOT about to cry!

There was just something in my eye.

I saw Queen Chrysalis’s ear twitch before saying something else. “If I take that gag off, will you speak with me at a normal speaking level?”

I nodded.

She narrowed her eyes.

“...Without out screaming?” She asked.

Hey, I don’t scream, I let out bellows of pure unadulterated rage!

Despite the slight against me, I nodded once more.

“Good, it’s better if that mouth is used. And I am going to use it to get what I need Mister Anonymous.”

Oh fug, this is it...

I totally didn’t start shivering.

She did a little hocus-pocus with her weird bent horn, and all of a sudden I felt the obstruction around my mouth dissolve.

Cleary I needed to make a better first impression, maybe she would show mercy on my poor virgin soul.

“Please be gentle...”

Ok. That works, I guess.

“...Ok?”

Her nose wrinkled and her eyebrow rose.

“What do you mean be gentle?”

I cleared my throat and answered the question.

“Be gentle? For when the whole... You know... Raping starts?”

The Queen’s head jerked back and she wrinkled her nose in disgust. Her face scrunching up like a parent who just came upon their basement dwelling child’s hidden manga collection.

“...What?” She looked disgusted, and confused.

Now it was my time to do a confusion.

“...You know... The whole... sucking me of my love, thing?”

She blinked her eyes, before they widened.

Huh, I didn’t know these changelings could change colours, cool!

“T-That’s NOT how that works!” She looked embarrassed.

...Kinda cute, not gonna lie.

I crossed my arms over my chest.

“Well the smaller ones said you wanted to suck all my love away! How else is it suppose to work?-“

I pointed a finger at her before continuing

“-Because via my white hot sticky love would be the only way you’d be getting any and I don’t do horse pussy—especially weird bug horse pussy!” I concurred.

She turned green. However the hell that’s possible.

“...I- I would never! And de-definitely not with you! especially not with you... I take your love just by being in your proximity!” She practically screamed.

I cocked my head in confusion, before going on the defensive and taking a few steps away from the throne, my eyes narrowing. “Well then what are you going to use my mouth so... extensively for?”

Somehow, her face went even greener.

“I just wanted to ask a lot of questions, that’s it, you fool!” She hissed in what seemed like embarrassment.

I hummed.

“Well... I’m not sure I believe you... I am pretty damn drop dead gorgeous if I do say so myself.”

I graced her with a very masculine flex and pose.

“I understand completely.”

She hissed again.

“You’re so full of yourself!”

Hey!

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with a little self-confidence. And I only kiss my bathroom mirror twice a day!” I crossed my arms.

She shook her head, looking down at the floor.

“...I’m made a grave mistake bringing you here.”

I sniffed. “Then why don't you take me back?”

She shook her head, again, before saying something else.

“Because despite being insufferable I still need you to answer my questions. I know you were close to Celestia and Luna...” She trailed off.

“Oh, Sunbutt and the Goth Queen? Yeah, go way back!” I trailed off, reminiscing off all the memories we had together, now long since faded with the passage of time.

She looked up to me in slight confusion.

“...but my scouts said you’ve only been here in Equestria for two months?” She said.

I scoffed. “Yeah, Like I said; Way back!”

She looked kinda sad all of a sudden.

She placed her hooves against, what I assumed were her temples and whimpered.

”Oh sweet mother, what have I done to deserve this?”

...

...

...

Hey, I was right! She is depressing...

Well at least I’m not actually gonna be turned into a tool for someone else’s pleasure...

...Nice! Things are already looking up.

“-and after a long night of Booze Cruising, Celestia and I decided to switch Luna’s sugar powdered donuts—her favourite by the way—for ones that were instead covered in baby powder. Which may have almost ended up causing Luna to nearly execute the maid that usually serves them because; get this—she’s allergic to baby pow-“ My heartfelt tale of loss, love, mystery, and adventure was brought to an abrupt end, when a large *THUMP* sounded within the room.

My eyes snapped open, which had previously been closed due to the immersion I had been feeling while telling the glorious fable of old, of which I could remember nearly every detail of with near super human clarity. Almost as if it had happened a few days ago...

My eyes were focused on the ceiling, my feet kicked back on the table in front of me, my chair leaning against the wall. I took a breath and levelled my sight towards where I heard the sound. “Who dares interrupt-“

“Please stop...” Queen Buggy had her face planted on the table, she let out a shaky whimper, before she continued with speaking.

“You’ve been talking for hours and yet you still haven’t even told me a single thing!” She slammed her hooves on the weird table, causing it to warble slightly. She hissed out her other words.

“When I asked for you to tell me everything. I didn’t mean TELL ME EVERYTHING!... I don’t want to know your morning routine, Or what you did three weeks ago on a cold Sunday afternoon! I just want to know about the Princesses and their damn castle-!”

She let out another sad sound. “I wanted to know their schedules, not their favourite kind of tea!”

Well that’s dumb...

“...Well that’s retarded.” I said, not unlike a true man of ultimate knowledge. I then shifted in my seat and threw a thumb over to Jitter, who was watching us from the corner.

“Do you not have spies? Kinda redundant to kidnap me and waste resources spying on me when you could’ve done it to the princesses instead.” I shrugged.

The Queen looked frustrated. “I’d have done that it if I could, you dolt!” She slammed her hoof on the table again... Which made me jump.

“...But ever since that damn pink Hussy and her stupid wedding, the Royalty has had runes that read magic signatures placed all over the castle, they’d pick my drones out before they even made it past the castle gates!” She yelled.

I hummed while stroking my chin in thought. “Sounds like plot armour to me-”

“Enough!” I was interrupted. “I can’t take another word from you!” She slammed both her hooves to her head in anger, looking like she was about to lose her mind.

“You were suppose to be my Ace, My one chance and getting back at the Princesses and saving my Changelings from a fate worse than death!” She wailed.

“-And you can’t even tell me a rough estimate at what time their guards switch posts? I- I’m...” She choked out a sob.

“I’m a failure!” She collapsed her face onto the table, covering her head, as if trying to hide from the world.

Oh shit, it just got super weird in here, and now i’m very un-comfy. I don’t like sadness, sadness is gross...

She let out another cry and I flinched. God damn it, now I got to make her feel better. My resolve hardened in an instant.

If there’s one thing I don’t like, it’s icky sadness!

Plus, I don’t want to sit in this room, with her bawling for hours on end. Seriously, her tears are starting to form a puddle on the table, how the hell can such a tiny horse make so much water?

I stood up from my chair and strolled towards the disheartened Queen with confidence in my step, once I reached her end of the table, I stopped and poked her covered head.

“Please... no more... I can’t, not again...” Her voice rattled, cracked, and every pause was met with a small sob.

Fuck I made the weird pony Super Sad.

How the hell do I keep doing this shit? I sighed, and tapped her on the shoulder. “Hey, let me look at you for a sec.” I said softly.

To which she growled pathetically and snapped her head up to look me in my eyes with her red, sad ones. “Why? So you can mock and torment me some more!?” She laughed, but it was hollow.

Then she slumped.

“...Just let me wallow in peace-“ She was interrupted, because I wait for no one.

“Nah.” I said.

She winched, her ears flattening like how a beaten dog’s would have. And then I booped her odd tiny looking nose.

She gasped softly, her eyes crossing to follow where my finger had landed.

Good...

I smiled wolfishly.

“You activated my Stand.”

Now it’s time for the big guns.

I showed her no mercy, no reprieve, and gave her no time to even think about my next move, before I launched into a full out assault.

I took my finger away and used both my hands to pet, caress, and run through her- surprisingly fuzzy, ears. scritching and scratching in every spot I would with a dog, I smooshed her cheeks together, and hell...

I even pat her head...

She stood no chance, she fell to my attack with a coo, clearly not being able to withstand a move with such power and magnitude behind it.

She practically melted into my hands as I continued my brutality, with only one goal in mind...

To prove a point.

A point that I- ‘Anon the Conqueror’- Could tame any evil, any kind of sadness, with just a simple touch...

And boy did I prove it all right. As from this day, til’ the end of days, I was known across the lands, across the seas, across the globe, as the man who-

“This is better than love...” I was snapped out of my plans of world domination by the Queen. Who looked pretty out of it right about now.

I raised a brow, before shooting my gaze towards a very confused and uncomfortable looking Jitter.

“...So does this make me your King now, or something?” I said.

Truly, the worlds greatest diplomate.

If someone told me that one day; I would’ve had a bug pony Queen lay across my lap, snuggled up close to me while I sat on her throne—I would’ve called them crazy.

And probably gotten the hell out of dodge because who says that?

Except it happened, is happening. There’s a bug pony the size of a Labrador on my fucking lap trying to get pets out of me.

This... this escalated quickly.

She was also mewling, kind of like a cat, hungry for my scratches, which I obviously obliged because I’m not cruel. My other arm was draped across the side of the throne, and Jitter—who was standing a little ways from the throne—looked like he was about to be sick, with how pale he looked.

What that? Bugs can’t go pale? Wrong, it’s happening right now and there’s nothing you can do to stop it.

Back to Jitter; he gulped.

“W-what sorcery did you enact to make our glorious Queen act like... like this!” He spoke in absolute fear, and awe.

I let out a low, dark chuckle, petting the Queen’s head as I spoke. “Foolish mortal. You wouldn’t be able to even comprehend the basic fundamentals of my power.” I leaned forward a tiny bit, bearing down onto Jitter with my eyes and showing him my teeth in a wide smile.

“Your kingdom- er, uh- hive! Yes. Your hive belongs to me now... and as you can clearly tell, my power is incomparable.” I leaned back against the throne, quickly coming up with some bullshi- I mean... proof as to why I’m so powerful.

“-How else did you think I got close to the princesses? My charm was but a simple part of it...” I held up my left hand towards him and wriggled my fingers.

“-but these bad boys? They’re the true reason. Even Celestia fears their power!” My voice boomed.

Jitter started to shiver, his eyes locked onto my fingers. his voice failed a few times before he could actually formulate a sentence.

“I-it all makes sense now! The power you hold, it’s how you were able to push Resol to tears, how you were able to pound our Queen-“

I cut him off. “Please don’t say it like that.”

He gulped.

“Er- h-how you were able to beat our Queen into submission with your fingers alone!”

I blinked.

Screw it... Go all out or don’t go at all.

“Ah.” I chuckled again because I was in a real chuckly mood I suppose.

”So you think you’ve figured it all out, haven’t you little Jitter?” Wow, I’m at a fourteen right now. I should probably scale it back.

The bug pony flinched and nearly slammed his face into the floor with how fast he had attempted to kneel. “Please forgive my transgression! Oh G-Great One, I didn’t mean anything by it!” He cried, his eyes glued to the floor.

Fuck, now he thinks I’m a god.

I sighed.

Wouldn't be the first time I guess.

I cleared my throat, before speaking to the frightened bug in front of me. “I will forgive your mistake, just this once.” I clapped my hands and spoke once more.

“Now-“ I snapped my fingers. “Gather everyone in the hive, it’s time for them to meet their new ruler.” I finished.

Stop digging your hole deeper idiot!

Jitter nodded quickly before responding with a “R-right away sir!” and running off as if his life depended on it.

Once he had left I let out a sigh, feeling as if I had just made a mistake, and then I felt a shuffle, so I looked down.

In all of the excitement I had forgotten about the queen in my lap, who at this point was looking up at me and whimpering.

“Please. You can take my place as ruler just don’t stop doing whatever it was you were doing! I don’t care about the Princesses anymore, just don’t stop using those wonderful appendages of yours...” She finished in a small voice.

Damn, she busted out the puppy dog eyes.

I readied my world ending weapon once more, curling my fingers for maximum damage.

Well, I mean. How could I not?

Many more scratches were had before Jitter would return.